The good news is both of my parents are dead, most of my extended family also, and of those still surviving, they’re either not in good health, I’m not especially close to them, or both. The bad news is my wife drives too fast even when I’m in the car with her. She knows I don’t like it when she drives so fast, and I can only imagine how fast she drives when I’m not in the car. From time to time I’ve even considered sabotaging the car somehow, pulling out the spark plugs or siphoning the oil so she’ll be forced to either take the bus (much safer) or find a more provincial form of employment like telemarketer or phone sex operator, something that involves a phone and inability to leave the house.
Originally published May 25, 2015 in Knee-Jerk Magazine.
